It's been a while since I've posted because what's-his-name is a computer hog, but since it's Halloween, I felt it was necessary to add a a feline touch to the occasion.
The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales: Farmer Johnson goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated." The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there." Farmer Johnson comes back the next day, and he looks very sick. The vet says, "What happened?" Farmer Johnson says, "The horse blew first." A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog. They come to a busy intersection and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of the traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on other side of the street and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!" The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick him in the ass."
A guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs it into his mouth and swallows it. Bartender freaks and starts yelling about how much cue balls cost , etc. The guy tries to calm him down and tells him the monkey will pass it in the next day or so and he'll wash it off real well and bring it back. Sure enough the guy and the monkey come back into the bar and gave the bartender his cue ball back.
Meanwhile the monkey reaches into the peanut bowl, grabs a nut, sticks it in his ass, then eats it. The bartender stares at the monkey who continues to repeat this action again and again. So he asks the guy, "what's up with that?" The guys says, "What?" The bartender says, "your monkey keeps grabbing peanuts one at a time and sticking them in his ass then eating them." The guy says, "Oh, that. Well, ever since the pool ball incident, he measures everything before he eats it."
That's it for now. Happy Halloween and more Soon!