Saturday, May 16, 2009

Lions And Tigers (No Bears) Oh My !

OK, so it's not a very ferocious look but we felines can be quite fierce when we need to. The bigger felines get all the notoriety 'cause they're "endangered" and the media gets all gushy and fall all over themselves whenever they see any large cat. It kinda reminds me of CNN whenever Obama's around.

Since big cats were on my mind, I thought I'd show you some pictures of some of them. Keep in mind that we smaller felines are just as cute and just as endangered. For example, yesterday I was in the kitchen eating my food and Jimmy comes bopping into the kitchen and steps on my tail. I'll bet he wouldn't step on a tiger's tail (although he has had a few tigers by the tail in the past but escaped uninjured).

These pictures were taken from National Geographic Magazine and they have many large pictures to choose from, including wallpaper which you can download. There's not too many pictures of cats that are my size and I think that's discrimination. Where the hell is "Podium" Al Sharpton when you need him?

I particularly like the picture of the female lynx and her kitten. The content but wary eyes of the mother reflect a basic instinct of all mothers. The kitten, oblivious to the world around him, seems to know that safety is as close as the scent of his mother. Of course. the other reason I like the picture of the lynx is that I can use this paragraph to give you the links to the lynx and other big cats at the National Geographic web site (I'm just so damned clever!).....................

Lions have always fascinated me and I like to think that I have the heart of a lion with a slightly smaller body. The lion has always been the symbol of courage (with the exception of the cowardly lion, who has since found himself) and I admire lions very much. I think everyone feels that they have an inner lion within.

All things considered, my personal opinion is that we house cats are just as important as all these bigger cats. I will admit however, that the large cats I've pictured in today's entry are magnificent animals as well. Their only problem is that they're just not as refined.

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

A gorilla escaped from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time later, a man calls the zoo complaining of a gorilla in a tree in his back yard. The zoo keeper rushes right over. When he arrives, he has a net, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a Rottweiler.

The man asks what the zoo keeper what the items are for. The zoo keeper says, "I'm gonna climb the tree and hit the gorilla in the head with the baseball bat. When he falls out of the tree, you throw the net over him, and the Rottweiler will go straight for his balls." The man asks, "But what's the shotgun for?" The zoo keeper answers, "If I miss the gorilla and fall out of the tree, you shoot the Rottweiler."

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When a woman asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him. He said, "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. I place my hand on my release ring and out I go"

The woman said, "But how do you know when you are going to land?" The blind man said, "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground." The woman asked, "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" The blind man answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack".

That's Possum's Journal for this week. Have a great weekend and more next week.

Stray Tuned !

Saturday, May 9, 2009

A Doggie Doo Lesson

I get along with dogs pretty well and I have a lot of doggie pals, but I do have a beef about some of their personal habits. As you know, we cats are very careful to make sure that we bury and cover our business immediately after the negotiations are concluded.

Dogs, on the other hand, just sniff around until they find a spot they like and boom!....there it is! It doesn't matter if it's a tree, a fire hydrant or a small child. They just lift their leg and fire away.

And, you can forget about number two! I think they look around for the most traveled area they can find, squat and leave a gift for some unsuspecting human to step in it. You might say that's just their nature and forget about it. I say, If dogs can bury and cover their bones, then they should bury and cover their business as well.

My pal, Linda in Washington, sent me the featured picture of this nice doggie, who after graduating summa cum laude from doggie obedience school, displays the proper way to clean up after himself.

I saw a documentary on white deer and they looked kinda neat so I'm sprinkling a few pictures of them throughout today's post. Do not confuse the featured picture of the white canine with the white deer.

Cats are normally graceful creatures, but occasionally they do make slight errors in judgement and when they do, it's usually comical. This is a video that I found hidden in my archives and I thought I show it to you.

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

A thief broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. The thief said, "Did you say that?" The parrot said, "Yep, I'm just trying to warn you."

The thief relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" The parrot replied, "Moses." The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird 'Moses'?" The parrot said, "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'."

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.

"It had two saggy tits, a beard and a hard head," said the boy. The farmer. "Oh crap, You've shot my wife!"

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar and pisses in the beer. The man asks the bartender who owns the monkey. The bartender replies, "The piano player".

The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey pissed in my beer?" The pianist replies, "No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll try play it."

That's Possum's Journal for this week. Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms. Have a great weekend and I'll have more next week.

Stray Tuned !

Friday, May 1, 2009

If You Think The Swine Flu Was Mysterious, Wait "Til You See My Discovery !

I'm kinda happy they changed the name of the swine flu to H1N1. I'm not that friendly with oinkers, but I thought they were getting a bad rap. The main reason I'm happy is that when this diseases started appearing in Mexico, every Juan and his Tio start massacring the chubby little guys and that makes me nervous.

When the Avian Flu was rampant, every Mao in tao-n started killing chickens and ducks. Hell, they even banned the serving of cheese and quackers. Chinese restaurants refused to serve cream of asparakeet soup. It got to a point that every birdbrain in government was in a fowl mood.

What if some nitwit happened to catch a cold because that certain someone stayed out parting all night long? And what if that certain woke up the next morning and decided that he had the Cat Flu? Can you see where I'm headed?

Although I'm glad they changed the name, now I'm wondering if R2D2 can contract H1N1.....

So, If the Swine Flu, I mean H1N1 doesn't float your boat, here's another mysterious item happening in our southestern border towns:

Calexico,California: (April 30) - The hottest thing on the griddle at the Las Palmas restaurant these days isn't the food — it's the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe that a cook says she saw on the griddle. Restaurant manager Brenda Martinez says more than 100 people have flocked to the small town of Calexico on the California-Mexico border to gaze at the likeness of the Virgin Mary since it was discovered as the griddle was being cleaned.

At first I though it was a hoax, but after thinking about it, I must confe$$ it surely must be true! Lo and behold, when I went into the kitchen to snack on my Meow Mix, I saw an image of Our Lady of Bank of America in my cat food, fell to my, front paws and rejoiced.

As a result, I've decided to share this miracle and you can have a piece of my Miracle Meow Mix for the paltry sum of $1.00 per piece. Send your dollar along with a small shipping and handling charge of $23.00 and you too can witness this miracle. But wait, order now in your comments and I'll double your order for the same price. Mail your order now and you can thank me later (sorry, no CODs).

Pets Of The Week: My pal Martha has a some real cute kittens named Nuggett (left) and Queen Bella (above). Looking at their pictures, my first impressions are that Nugget is a real pistol and the appropriately named Queen Bella is going to be the proverbial Belle of the ball.

Martha also has a kitten named Pinky Chewbacca Extra Long Psycho Cat. I'm not real sure how long someone has to sit up at night to come up with a monicker like this, but thankfully, its nickname is Choochie. I've learned that it matters not what your real name is, pet owners always come up with a nickname.

Anyway, Choochie's the white little guy on the right who has discovered that someone in Martha's house drinks Budweiser and the cardboard box makes a great place to hang out.

You should definitely stop by and vist Martha at her journal aptly named Menagerie. She always has delightful pictures of all kinds of things and I'm sure you'll enjoy you visit. If you like photography as I do, you can read Menagerie by clicking this link.

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have sex." After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge for his humiliation. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. That was my nephew and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it did take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods and he managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replied, "Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand."

Two minutes later the young camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?" The mother said, "They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert."

After a while, the baby camels asked, "Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?" His Mom answered, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert so we can go without drinking for long periods of time."

The baby camel thought a bit and said, "So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water." The mother camel said, "Yes dear."

The baby camel said, "So why are we living in the San Diego Zoo?"

That's Possum's Journal for this week. Have a great weekend and more next week.

Stray Tuned !