The Art Of Disguise

Much like the tactics used by my pet and benefactor, Jimmy, I often use the guile of disguise as a means to obtain things I desire. I watched in amusement as Jimmy, in a pathetic attempt to appear to be wearing a Halloween costume, casually left me alone for AREA 51, not only Friday night, but Saturday night as well.

The fortunate thing for me was that both nights, that charlatan managed to find food (good food, not Meow Mix) on his way home from his sojourn around the area. Additionally, he decided to "spread the wealth" and share it with me. I'm relatively sure that his friend and spiritual advisor, Johnny Walker Black, influenced his decision.

Nevertheless, I enjoyed the gesture and did not give him any grief about leaving me behind and the tardiness of his return. I did, however, revel in glee as he constantly complained about his condition on Sunday. Hey! You wanna play? Ya gotta pay!

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "Tsquare, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

The Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

The Chemist said his cat could do even better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?" The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

I think I'll hang out with the Government Worker's cat. He seems to have his act down pat and is already benefiting from the spread the wealth issue, but that's just me.

Stray tuned !