Thursday, January 22, 2009

I Can Bearly Contain Myself !

Sometimes it's not a good idea to make decisions on your own. The old adage that "two heads are better than one" is a tried and proven adage, but some people, when given the ultimate authority, make their decisions based on their own good fortune without taking into consideration the consequences that will befall others.

Such is the case of two different decision makers who did not factor in the possible consequences of aggravating large bears. Although their hearts were surely in the right place, their plans were not well thought out as witnessed by today's pictures.

In the first scenario, two forest rangers have decided that they will take a captured bear and return the bear to the wild. One ranger will release the bear and the other ranger will document the bear's release using his trusty camera. Obviously the senior ranking ranger has decided that he will portray the role of photographer while the junior officer will release the bear.

The bear, of course, has not been consulted with nor advised of the release plan. Furthermore, the bear's ass is still smarting from the tranquilizer dart used to sedate him.

Finally. the junior ranger says to the senior ranger, "Next time I'll take the damed pictures and you release the friggin' bear!"

In the second scenario, a ranger is taking a polar bear to a remote site and releasing him. The bear, obviously not overly enthused with his predicament, has decided that he would like to discuss the situation with the ranger , face to face.

The ranger, on the other hand, has obviously decided that discretion is the better part of valor, and has decided to hightail it. This makes the bear angrier and he stand on his hind feet to invite the ranger to a tete-a-tete, but the ranger is obviously unwilling to sit down and discuss the situation with the polar bear.

In the end, everyone escapes with minor scrapes and injuries and the bears return to the wild. The rangers, on the other hand, will carefully rethink their future release plans.

Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing?"

He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have sex."

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge for his humiliation. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate. Although he survived, it did take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods and he managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

The moral of the stories? In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

In light of today's pictures, I'd have to agree, but that's just me.

Stray Tuned !


Linda's World said...

Hi there my darling PSH, it's me your little gray & white girl,Gabi. My mom read that entry to me and showed me the pictures. She laughed (I guess she thought it was amusing) but the pictures were darn scary to me. I would be but a small hors d'oeuvre for those large furry critters. Hugs and meows Gabi

Paula said...

I liked the bear stories.

Robin said...

Great tales!

Julie said...

So I guess if I go along on bear releases I should be the one in the truck, LOL. Great tales of furry things with big claws. Zoey says thanks for posting her picture.

Anonymous said...

hey Jimmy; I like the bear joke.
keep it up...I enjoy checking your blog and specially listening to your playlist
It's awsome.
thanks carlos

Heli gunner Tom said...

Hi Jimmy,
The bear jokes were great! but you always post good quality, funny jokes that are in good taste.
I am starting to like you and I think that you 'grow on people.'
Hope you are feeling better.


Rose said...

Love your photos of the huge furry bears!

Hugs, Rose

salemslot9 said...

hi Possum~
please pray for
Mr. Marley Moo Sock Monkey
he's a very sick lil kitten

garnett109 said...

Ok possum don't sugar coat it just give us the bear facts!