Happy New Year to all my friends and readers! I'm ready for 2010 and if I can get you-know-who's ass out of bed, I'm sure he'll be ready too. I hope he's just sleeping and not in a coma 'cause I don't have much cat food in my dish. The dry cat food is stored too high to open and I really have problems using the can opener to open the canned food.
For all my two legged pals, I hope you had fun at your New Year's Eve parties last night. To those of you who have hangovers, my advice is to take a couple of aspirins, drink a lot of water and only eat wet cat food to rehydrate. Ok, you can skip the wet cat food if you like, but when I'm hungover, that's my only food option.
It's okay to be late as long as you bring donuts.
New Year's Eve parties sure are noisy. I heard all kinds of noises and explosions last night and there was some tipsy Cuban woman who kept calling out for Jesus. I don't know if she was looking her boyfriend or salvation.
What's-his-name must have been in pretty fair shape when he got home last night because he fed me. He always feeds me when he gets home but if he's been drinking with that Johhnie Walker Black guy, he always hugs and squeezes the shit out of me first and then feeds me.
I'm not real sure what time he got home last night because my watch is broken. It doesn't really matter that much because with seven toes on each front paw, I can't wind the damned thing anyway. The only thing that got my dander up is that his stupid cell phone rang all night. Once he gets in bed, he goes into a coma and it takes an explosion (or sharp claws) to wake him up.
Men are free to do whatever they please, just as long as their wife okays it.
My Pictures 2010 is the Year Of The Tiger according to the Chinese Zodiac. That's a bit eery as I thought 2009 was the year of the Tiger. I guess it's just in the semantics, but, then again, the Chinese may really have their hands on the pulse. It really would have sent a chill up your spine if Tiger Woods could have hidden his harem until this year. Either way, I've added some "Tiger" pictures for your amusement and commentary.
The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:
Deep in the back woods of Kentucky, a farmer's wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!"
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. The doctor said, "Wait, don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming". Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered the second child, a baby girl.
The doctor said, "Hold that lantern up and don't set it down, I think there may be another one!" The farmer scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Bubba shows up at the bar all out of breath so Billy Ray asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Bubba says, "I've been running from the cops, but I finally lost them." Billy Ray then asked, "What the hell did you do?" Bubba replied, "I was pissing in the shower and the cops showed up to arrest me!"
Billy Ray says, "That's not against the law," Bubba says, "Thats what I thought too but those guys at Home Depot sure must have thought it was"
A salesman from New York was driving through the mountains of North Georgia when he came upon the tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life. Intrigued, he goes up and knocks on the door and asks, "Anybody home?"
A kid's voice through the door answered, "Yep." The salesman asks, "Is your father there?" The kid says, "Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in." The salesman asks, "Well, is your mother here?" The kid relies, "No, she left afore I got here."
The salesman says, "Aren't you ever together as a family?" The kid says, "Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!"
That's it for now, kittens. Happy New Year and a prosperous 2010. More Soon!