Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day !

Happy Mother's Day to all of the beautiful and hard working Moms who so diligently attend to the daily crises of their offspring and are only recognized once a year. Truly, at the start of each and every day, everyone should say a prayer of thanks for all of the wonderful mothers who care for the children 24 hours a day, seven days a week and 365 days a year.

What's his name's birthday was Friday and he had a great time. I have been reading some of his Facebook posts and I can't wait to hear his version of his birthday escapades. All I know is that he was dancing and singing karaoke here at the house at 6:00 the next morning. Uh...I like to party too, but once the paperboy has left the morning paper and the sun is rising, some people should go to sleep. Sheesh! I thought they would never go to sleep!

I don't know when my birthday is because someone took me from my mother and put me in a dumpster. You-know-who found me there and took me in. Thankfully, whoever dumped me chose a dumpster next to AREA 51 or I'd probably now be living at the dump. So, since I don't know my birthday, I chose what's-his-name birthday for my birthday as well. It's easier for both of us to remember.

My Pictures I found a few Mother's day pictures from the animal world so I thought I'd share them with you.

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing. As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.

At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there. Hours later, the man calls home to his wife and says "Jen, is the cat there?" His wife answered, "Yes, Why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answers, "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

Three feral cats were bragging about their kittens. The first cat said, "My kittens are part Persian. Their father was a pure Persian cat." The third cat said nothing.

The second cat said, "Well, that is nothing. My kittens are part Siamese. Their father was a pure bred Siamese." The third cat said still said nothing.

Then the first two cats asked her, "What are your kittens?" She replied, "Oh, I don't know. I had my head stuck in a tuna can at the time."

A woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. One Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. "Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time."

She dashes out of her friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table. When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is some lettuce, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it! Her husband says, "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage."

That night they had sex for the first time in months and it was great! Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified. One girl said, "You're going to kill him", but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends.

Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?" The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He was licking his ass in the middle of the street and a dump truck ran over him."

That's it for now. More Soon!

Stray Tuned!


Linda's World said...

Well thank you Possum. A belated happy birthday to you & we're all so glad your mom had you because if she hadn't...we wouldn't have your Blog entries to read. And I'm sure your mom did not want you to end up in a dumpster...she wanted you right where you are, taking care of Party Guy. Linda in Washington

Ally Lifewithally said...

Jimmy thanks for the Mothers Day wishes ~ we celebrated Mothers Day here in the UK on SUNDAY 14TH MARCH ~ But I am always ready to Join your Mums Celebrating their special day :o) ~
and a Happy belated Birthday to you ~
and once again thankyou for the lovely pictures those animals are just great as are the jokes :O)

Paula said...

Love the cat jokes especially the first one. My mama tried taking a cat to the other side of the river and it still came back.

Martha said...

Happy birthday to both of you and thank you for the mother's day wishes :-)

salemslot9 said...

hi Possum
I like Jimmy
but, I like him
even more now
for saving you
please, stop by