Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all my pals. You-know-who came home at 4 am this morning. The good part was that someone gave him a big bag of people food and he gave me a lot! Just between you and me, I think he was drinking alcoholic beverages because he kissed me right on my nose. Yechh ! What a cat has to put up with to get some roasted pork.
My Pictures What a family.......
The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other. The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay and he starts feeling the rabbit. The snake says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, two long ears and big back feet..." The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake. He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..." The snake says, "Oh crap, I'm a lawyer!"
"See, I know you told me not to play in the mud puddle, and I wasn't playing in the mud puddle, but what happened was......"
A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife and says, "Jen, is the cat there?"
His wife answers. "Yes. Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers, "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"
Far be it from me not celebrate Thanksgiving with my feline family and friends. It's been years since I left the litter and ventured out on my own. But, I have fond memories of Mom and I do appreciate the fact that the reason I exist is because of that time when Mom was eating out of a tuna can and let her guard down. Thanks for stopping by Pop, wherever you are. Along the way, I adopted a human friend and we've been pals ever since. I know I've spoiled him somewhat but old what's-his-name takes pretty good care of me as well. Fortunately, when things sometimes get out of hand, I can email my pal Linda in Washinton State and she can voice my complaints. Nevertheless. life is good and for that same reason, I'd like to wish all of my readers, family and friends a Happy Thanksgiving. Take the time today to say "I love you" to those that are near to you and remember your animal friends, as well. On a similar note I have checked with all of the etiquette sites on the Internet and it is considered proper to slip your animal friends a little piece of turkey under the table during this time of the year. My veterinarian friends also are in agreement that this is not harmful. That's it for now. More soon. Stray Tuned !
I'm normally not a tattletale but sometimes ya' just need to tell somebody. You-know-who comes sauntering in around 5:30 AM this morning right in the middle of a great dream. You know, one of those really good dreams where you're just about to get lucky. I mean, here's this sexy kitten with her head buried in a tuna can, completely oblivious to me and I'm slowly closing in when......
The sound of a someone fumbling with keys at the the front door interrupts my dream version of the feline hokey-pokey and what do my wondering eyes appear? What's-his name has found his way home....all by himself.
I knew he was up to something when he left last night. As soon as I smelled his "going out cologne", I figured it would be a late night. I did my usual "I'm hungry" trick and stood beside my food dish because I really never know if he'll make it back. Hey, you never know! Besides, if he gets lucky, that means that I don't get fresh food until the next afternoon.
Okay, I was happy to see him and he came home hungry which means we eat anything we can find in the refrigerator that hasn't changed colors. Man, oh man, we ate ham and cheese, fried chicken that he heated up in the microwave...all kinds of goodies!
Then, after a short time on the computer, proudly announcing he found his way home, he takes his normal pilot's seat at the helm of the recliner. I, in turn, take the copilot's position and click!.....we're laid back and ready for some television. I take a brief moment to lick my paw and when I look back, what's-his-name is in la-la land. What a wuss!
So, here we are! Every light in the house is on (as the dawn lights the windows), the TV is on CNN (yuck!) and you-know-who is in a coma. Nothing else for me to do, so I climb up on his chest and catch some zzz's myself.
I wake up later that morning and, being the faithful friend that I am, I smell what's-his-name's breath to see if he is still alive. Okay, he's breathing....so far, so good, but I'm hungry! So, I lick his face a little to wake him and what does he do? He starts yelling, calling me names and tells me I've got bad breath!
I've got bad breath? Bro, I can't begin to tell you the aroma that is coming from your mouth! Besides that, you're lucky that I brought you back to life! Okay, Okay! You weren't dying but how was I to know? Anyway, things are okay now and he's back to his grumpy old self. Life is good!
My Pictures Well, it's been a while since I've posted but last night's escapades had to be heard from my point of view.
The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:The Wisconsin State Dept of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears this summer. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. People should be able to recognize the presence of bears in an area by their droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berry residue and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
A man was so lonely that he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink. So, he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's place with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time, this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?" A little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" The little girl, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit."
Happy Mother's Day to all of the beautiful and hard working Moms who so diligently attend to the daily crises of their offspring and are only recognized once a year. Truly, at the start of each and every day, everyone should say a prayer of thanks for all of the wonderful mothers who care for the children 24 hours a day, seven days a week and 365 days a year. What's his name's birthday was Friday and he had a great time. I have been reading some of his Facebook posts and I can't wait to hear his version of his birthday escapades. All I know is that he was dancing and singing karaoke here at the house at 6:00 the next morning. Uh...I like to party too, but once the paperboy has left the morning paper and the sun is rising, some people should go to sleep. Sheesh! I thought they would never go to sleep! I don't know when my birthday is because someone took me from my mother and put me in a dumpster. You-know-who found me there and took me in. Thankfully, whoever dumped me chose a dumpster next to AREA 51 or I'd probably now be living at the dump. So, since I don't know my birthday, I chose what's-his-name birthday for my birthday as well. It's easier for both of us to remember.
My Pictures I found a few Mother's day pictures from the animal world so I thought I'd share them with you.
The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales: A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing. As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there. Hours later, the man calls home to his wife and says "Jen, is the cat there?" His wife answered, "Yes, Why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answers, "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"
Three feral cats were bragging about their kittens. The first cat said, "My kittens are part Persian. Their father was a pure Persian cat." The third cat said nothing. The second cat said, "Well, that is nothing. My kittens are part Siamese. Their father was a pure bred Siamese." The third cat said still said nothing. Then the first two cats asked her, "What are your kittens?" She replied, "Oh, I don't know. I had my head stuck in a tuna can at the time."
A woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. One Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. "Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time." She dashes out of her friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table. When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is some lettuce, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it! Her husband says, "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage." That night they had sex for the first time in months and it was great! Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified. One girl said, "You're going to kill him", but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends. Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?" The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He was licking his ass in the middle of the street and a dump truck ran over him."
A German Shepard named "Buddy" lives in Caswell Lakes, Alaska, with his best friend, a 23-year-old human named Ben Heinrichs and Ben’s parents. On April 4, Ben was working in a workshop in a shed when a heater touched off a fire in the shop. Ben suffered flash burns on his face, slammed the door to confine the flames and rolled in the snow to extinguish the flames on his clothing. Realizing that Buddy was still inside, Ben went back in to rescue Buddy. When he got Buddy outside, he told Buddy, "We need help."
That’s pretty much what TV's Timmy used to say to Lassie and, like the star collie, Buddy took the advice to heart and took off running. Buddy dashed off and down the road, looking for someone to help.
Meanwhile, neighbors has seen the fireball erupting on the Heinrichs' property and called the state police. Trooper Terrence Shanigan was dispatched to check it out, but his GPS froze up on him, and he was semi-lost in the twisting rural roads and about to take a turn in the wrong direction when he saw a dog in the road. The dog was our hero, Buddy.
When Buddy saw the trooper’s car, he turned and started running back home.Shanigan’s dashcam caught it all. A German shepherd takes off running down partially snow-covered roads, but keeps looking over his shoulder to make sure the car is keeping up.
Buddy sprints along for about a minute in a black-and-white landscape, the only things visible being what is illuminated by the police car’s lights. Finally, the dog takes one last turn. As Shanigan turns with the dog, his windshield lights up with a bright yellow ball of fire that used to be the Heinrichs’ work shed.
When Shanigan got out of his car, Buddy jumped up and made sure the trooper continued to the house. Then, according to the newspaper, Buddy retreated into the woods, seeing that his work as done. Shanigan was able to guide fire trucks to the scene, in time for firefighters to save the Heinrich’s home. The workshop was a total loss. Here's the first of two videos about Buddy the German Shepherd. Remember to turn off the music from my playlist located on the left sidebar. Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have sex." After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge for his humiliation. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate. Although he survived, it did take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods and he managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
My Pictures: Buddy is a hero and it's important to point out that he would say that humans are very dedicated friends and deserve the best care possible. Take the time to spend time with your humans and show them that you care for them. Personally, if I had been in Buddy's paws, I'm not real sure that I would have dashed out into the freezing snow hoping that a car might pass by to help save his human. I would have grabbed the nearest phone and texted my pals down at the animal shelter with directions on how to find the place. What? You don't think I could? Who do you think is typing this entry today? Certainly not "what's-his-name." He never gets up this early.
The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:A lady found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms." The druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer." The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week.
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students and says, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter." A little girl raises her hand and says, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered." The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
The little girl began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!" The teacher said, "That must've been scary!" The little gorl replied, "It sure was! My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff...Fffff...Fffff' and before he could say 'F*ck', the Rottweiler ate him!"
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar and pisses in the beer. The irate man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies, "The piano player". The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey pissed in my beer?" The pianist replies, "No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll try to play it."
