1. Why do you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping?
2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all. By the way, your friend knows it's you.
3. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!!
4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?).5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous because I can and you can't.
10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? That also goes for all the stupid outfits you buy me when you could be buying me doggie treats.
11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your shit up when you're not home. Another waste of time and money.
12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.
14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the visible fence problem!!
Well, that's my Christmas present to the Canine world and I'll be looking under the Christmas tree for a couple of kilos of catnip.
My Christmas wish for all of my readers is peace and tranquility. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all.
Stray Tuned !