Remember Your Family And Friends

An old man, his dog and his cat were walking along a road. He was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, with his cat and dog walking beside him. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a white stone wall along one side of the road. At the top of a long hill, a tall arch glowed in the sunlight. While standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl and the street that led to the gate was pure gold.

He and his pets walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a gatekeeper at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he said out, "Excuse me, where are we?" The gatekeeper answered, "This is Heaven, sir." The old man said, "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" The gatekeeper said, "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The gatekeeper gestured and the gate began to open.

Gesturing toward his pets, the old man asked, "Can my friends come in, too?" The gatekeeper said, "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his cat and dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a white haired man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

The old man said, "Excuse me! Do you have any water?'' The white haired man said, "Sure, there's a pump over there, come on in." The old man said, "How about my friends here?" The white haired man said, "Yes, there should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the cat and the dog. When they were full, he and his pets walked back toward the white haired man who was standing by the tree.

The old man said, "What do you call this place?" The white haired man said, "This is Heaven." The old man said, "Well, this is confusing. The man down the road said that was Heaven, too. The white haired man said, ''Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.''

The old man said, "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'' The white haired man replied, "No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."

My Pictures: Bonds sometimes form between friends and that bond is often tested, especially in difficult times. At the end of life's trail, power and wealth cannot compare to a lasting bond between good friends.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in !

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales: My thanks to my pal Vivian for her contribution to today's stories.

A rabbit broke out of the tobacco testing laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking, for the first time in his life. The rabbit thought, "Wow, this is great." It wasn't long before he came to a hedge. After squeezing under it, he saw a wonderful sight - lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

The rabbit called out, "Hey, I'm a rabbit from the tobacco testing laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?" The rabbits called back, "Yes, come and join us," The rabbit hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. The rabbit said, "What else do you wild rabbits do?" Another rabbit said, "You see that field there? It's got carrots and lettuce growing in it. We dig up carrots and eat them and nibble on the lettuce too." This he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots and lettuce. They were wonderful.

Later, the rabbit asked, "Is there anything else you guys do?" One of the male rabbits came a bit closer. Pointing to the far corner of the field, he said, "You see those rabbits there? They're girl rabbits and we have sex with them. Go and try it."

Well, the rabbit found a willing female and spent the rest of the morning with her until, completely exhausted, he said to the female rabbit, "That was fantastic!" The female said, "So are you going to live with us?" The rabbit said, "I'm sorry, I had a great time, but I need to go back to the tobacco testing laboratory." The female said, "Why? I thought you liked it here." The rabbit said, "I do, but I'm dying for a cigarette."

A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other. The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit. He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet. I think you must be a rabbit" The rabbit says, "I'm a rabbit! Yippee!"

Then the rabbit feels the snake. He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, slimy all over, and you have no balls" The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

That's it for now. More Soon!

Stray Tuned!

Welcome 2010 - Happy New Year !

Happy New Year to all my friends and readers! I'm ready for 2010 and if I can get you-know-who's ass out of bed, I'm sure he'll be ready too. I hope he's just sleeping and not in a coma 'cause I don't have much cat food in my dish. The dry cat food is stored too high to open and I really have problems using the can opener to open the canned food.

For all my two legged pals, I hope you had fun at your New Year's Eve parties last night. To those of you who have hangovers, my advice is to take a couple of aspirins, drink a lot of water and only eat wet cat food to rehydrate. Ok, you can skip the wet cat food if you like, but when I'm hungover, that's my only food option.

It's okay to be late as long as you bring donuts.

New Year's Eve parties sure are noisy. I heard all kinds of noises and explosions last night and there was some tipsy Cuban woman who kept calling out for Jesus. I don't know if she was looking her boyfriend or salvation.

What's-his-name must have been in pretty fair shape when he got home last night because he fed me. He always feeds me when he gets home but if he's been drinking with that Johhnie Walker Black guy, he always hugs and squeezes the shit out of me first and then feeds me.

I'm not real sure what time he got home last night because my watch is broken. It doesn't really matter that much because with seven toes on each front paw, I can't wind the damned thing anyway. The only thing that got my dander up is that his stupid cell phone rang all night. Once he gets in bed, he goes into a coma and it takes an explosion (or sharp claws) to wake him up.

Men are free to do whatever they please, just as long as their wife okays it.

My Pictures 2010 is the Year Of The Tiger according to the Chinese Zodiac. That's a bit eery as I thought 2009 was the year of the Tiger. I guess it's just in the semantics, but, then again, the Chinese may really have their hands on the pulse. It really would have sent a chill up your spine if Tiger Woods could have hidden his harem until this year. Either way, I've added some "Tiger" pictures for your amusement and commentary.

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

Deep in the back woods of Kentucky, a farmer's wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!"

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. The doctor said, "Wait, don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming". Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered the second child, a baby girl.

The doctor said, "Hold that lantern up and don't set it down, I think there may be another one!" The farmer scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

Bubba shows up at the bar all out of breath so Billy Ray asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Bubba says, "I've been running from the cops, but I finally lost them." Billy Ray then asked, "What the hell did you do?" Bubba replied, "I was pissing in the shower and the cops showed up to arrest me!"

Billy Ray says, "That's not against the law," Bubba says, "Thats what I thought too but those guys at Home Depot sure must have thought it was"

A salesman from New York was driving through the mountains of North Georgia when he came upon the tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life. Intrigued, he goes up and knocks on the door and asks, "Anybody home?"

A kid's voice through the door answered, "Yep." The salesman asks, "Is your father there?" The kid says, "Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in." The salesman asks, "Well, is your mother here?" The kid relies, "No, she left afore I got here."

The salesman says, "Aren't you ever together as a family?" The kid says, "Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!"

That's it for now, kittens. Happy New Year and a prosperous 2010. More Soon!

Stray Tuned!

Merry Christmas And Happy Holidays To My Friends And What's His Name !

From the bottom of my furry little belly, I want to wish my friends, family and what's his name a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Stray Tuned !

Hello and Happy Thanksgiving !

Hi everyone and Happy Thanksgiving! I know you've been wondering about me so I thought I'd post today and say hello. It's nice and sunny here in Miami, so I climbed off the window sill where I was sunning myself to make my post.

You know, "some people" think that I don't post as often as I should and they're probably right, but you have to remember that I've got seven toes on each front paw and typing isn't my forte. Nevertheless, I am posting today to say hello to everyone and bring you up to date on what's happening in my life.

Things are laid back and life is good. You-know-who always seems to be busy with his new toys. He just got a digital camera and he has no idea how it works. Instead of reading the instructions, he just keeps taking pictures of me and then mumbles under his breath when the camera doesn't work the way he thinks it should.

The fun part for me is when he tries to practice by taking pictures of me. I always strike cute kitty cat poses and just when he gets ready to take my picture, I move or look away and that makes him say bad words and yell at me. I always act like he hurt my feelings, but inside, I'm cracking up. I hope they find a good home for me when they take him away to the home.

Sometimes, there's just no pleasing him. He's got a new recording studio and spends a lot of time recording his songs. I sit there patiently and listen to him, but every time I want to add a "meow" to the song, he gets bent out of shape. Personally, I think I sing pretty well for your average cat, but he doesn't seem to think so. I guess there's just no accounting for good taste.

My Pictures: I thought that these pictures of the various animals were funny, so I thought I'd show them to you. These photoshop people really do a nice job. Maybe when what's-his-name figures out how to work his new camera, I'll show you some of my current pics.

He says I'm getting fat just because I tried to jump up on the counter the other day, but I didn't quite make it and had to abort. It kinda strikes me funny when someone calls someone else fat and that certain someone has to inhale to button his jeans!

The Cats Meow And Puppy Dog Tales: Two prawns, Justin and Christian, were constantly being threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally, one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old friends simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day, he saw the mysterious cod again and he asked the mysterious fish if he could change him back into a prawn. The cod agreed and he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. They replied, "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to become a shark."

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain, he set off to Christian's abode. He opened the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me." Christian replied,"No way man, you'll eat me.

Justin cried back "No, I've changed. I've found Cod and I'm a Prawn again Christian."

A man came home with a birdhouse one day. His wife kidded him, asking how many birds could afford deluxe accommodations in our suburban neighborhood. "Leave that to me," he repled.. Soon that birdhouse was dangling from a tree with a neat sign that read: "Room for wren--cheep."

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed them, and started to chase one of the guys, who, as it turns out, was from Czechoslovakia. The bear soon caught up with him, and ate him alive. The other guy turned around and ran for his life.

A little while later, the second guy found a park ranger station and told his story. The ranger took his gun, and they both went out in search of the bear, in order to destroy it. Soon, they came across two bears, one male, and one female. The ranger turned to the other guy and said, "Quick, tell me which bear ate your friend!"

The ranger aimed his gun and got ready to shoot. The other guy said, "I'm not really sure, they both look similar." The ranger said, "Make up your mind!" The other man said, "O.K., it was the male." The ranger promptly aimed and shot the female bear. The male ran off.

Using his knife, the ranger cut open the belly of the female and found the body of the other man's friend. He said, "But, why didn't you shoot the male when I thought it was the male who ate my friend?" The ranger replied, "Well, I never trust anyone who says that the Czech's in the male!"

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A old woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but don't hit me on the head with that beer bottle."

That's Possum's Journal for now. More soon!

Stray Tuned !

Groomin'.....On A Sunday Afternoon

Some animals just don't appreciate the time and effort we cats put into grooming. We don't go out in the backyard and just go to the bathroom anywhere. We don't chase cars. We don't roll on our backs in our poop. It just isn't done.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like all animals and especially dogs. To use an old Caucasian expression, some of my best friends are dogs. It's just that when it gets down to cleanliness, I'd like to think that cats are just a step above the rest of the animal world. Yes, it's true that we can be a bit picky and finicky at times, but I've observed this in many species. I think this just separates the thoroughbreds from the saddle horses, if you get my drift.

For those of you who may dismiss my feline thoughts as self-serving and narcissistic, you may want to withhold those thoughts until you have watched the following video.

I't seems the pup was ok with the grooming part but from his reaction, he'll handle the washing of the private parts, thank you!

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go way and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. He said, "OK, follow me," and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. He said, "Do you see that tree over there?" The bats, all in a flurry screamed, "yes, Yes Yes!" He said, "Good, because I didn't!"

A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $5,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the shop in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" The duck's former owner said, "Hmmm...., Did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop.

He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.

Finally, a big guy opens it and starts cursing the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key."

That's Possum's Journal for now. More soon.

Stray Tuned !

Possum's Back And I have An Agenda !

My apologies to all my pals for not posting lately, but there have been a few changes around here that have made it difficult for me to post. You-know-who has acquired a new toy, namely a program for performing, recording and producing his favorite songs for a new CD. At first, I thought it was a good idea because I like to hear what's his name sing, but things quickly changed.

The funny thing was watching him downloading programs and trying to install them. You know he never reads the instructions. He just starts working on the program and then it doesn't work. At that point, I alway head for my secret hiding spot 'cause he says bad words and yells at no one in particular. Sooner or later, he goes back and reads the instructions and...voila! It works! ....and he calls me Shithead! Au contraire mon ami....

Anyway, there he sits just singing his ass off and I know he's gonna make a mistake 'cause he doesn't even have the lyrics in front of him. Sure enough, he makes a mistake and starts that infantile yelling. I told him to print the lyrics, but nooooo....he's knows the words. Right !

Then, the other day, he's recording a song that I like, so I add a little meow background vocal to his song. Boy! You'd think I just peed on the carpet. He rants and raves and then he erases everything and starts over. Then he turns to me and says I ruined the song. Hey, I sang in tune...it's that he doesn't really appreciate my Kool Kat styling.

He seems to have it working well now and I'm glad. He's such a perfectionist (that's how humans describe obsessive-compulsive) that it gets pretty stormy intil he finally gets it. The good thing about him is that he gets guilty feelings after he calms down and then I get treats 'n stuff.

The other reason I haven't posted is I spotted a lady friend sitting on the neighbors back yard and I've developed an interest in her. She keeps looking at me (I am quite the looker, you know), but I don't know if she's allowed to come over. I tell you one thing though, if she meows at my front door, he'd better let her in. I don't say anything when his lady friends come over and sit in my spot on the sofa. A contrario, I even rub against them and let them pet me.

I always read your comments on Jimmy's Journal and I'm really happy that all my lady friends and pals have been asking about me. I'll be trying to post more often but remember, no matter what, you guys are the best!

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell right on his nose. The bunny said. "Oh, please excuse me! I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."

The snake said, "That's perfectly all right. To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?" The bunny said, "Well, I really don't know. I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!"

The bunny said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?" The snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him. When he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"

The bunny replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer."

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later, no centipede. 20 minutes later, no centipede. 30 minutes later, no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. He can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Where is that centipede?

So he goes to the front door, opens it. There's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 30 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!" The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just puttin' on my shoes!"

That's Possum's Journal for now my little catnips. More soon!

Stray Tuned !

Lions And Tigers (No Bears) Oh My !

OK, so it's not a very ferocious look but we felines can be quite fierce when we need to. The bigger felines get all the notoriety 'cause they're "endangered" and the media gets all gushy and fall all over themselves whenever they see any large cat. It kinda reminds me of CNN whenever Obama's around.

Since big cats were on my mind, I thought I'd show you some pictures of some of them. Keep in mind that we smaller felines are just as cute and just as endangered. For example, yesterday I was in the kitchen eating my food and Jimmy comes bopping into the kitchen and steps on my tail. I'll bet he wouldn't step on a tiger's tail (although he has had a few tigers by the tail in the past but escaped uninjured).

These pictures were taken from National Geographic Magazine and they have many large pictures to choose from, including wallpaper which you can download. There's not too many pictures of cats that are my size and I think that's discrimination. Where the hell is "Podium" Al Sharpton when you need him?

I particularly like the picture of the female lynx and her kitten. The content but wary eyes of the mother reflect a basic instinct of all mothers. The kitten, oblivious to the world around him, seems to know that safety is as close as the scent of his mother. Of course. the other reason I like the picture of the lynx is that I can use this paragraph to give you the links to the lynx and other big cats at the National Geographic web site (I'm just so damned clever!).....................
http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/index.html

Lions have always fascinated me and I like to think that I have the heart of a lion with a slightly smaller body. The lion has always been the symbol of courage (with the exception of the cowardly lion, who has since found himself) and I admire lions very much. I think everyone feels that they have an inner lion within.

All things considered, my personal opinion is that we house cats are just as important as all these bigger cats. I will admit however, that the large cats I've pictured in today's entry are magnificent animals as well. Their only problem is that they're just not as refined.

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

A gorilla escaped from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time later, a man calls the zoo complaining of a gorilla in a tree in his back yard. The zoo keeper rushes right over. When he arrives, he has a net, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a Rottweiler.

The man asks what the zoo keeper what the items are for. The zoo keeper says, "I'm gonna climb the tree and hit the gorilla in the head with the baseball bat. When he falls out of the tree, you throw the net over him, and the Rottweiler will go straight for his balls." The man asks, "But what's the shotgun for?" The zoo keeper answers, "If I miss the gorilla and fall out of the tree, you shoot the Rottweiler."

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When a woman asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him. He said, "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. I place my hand on my release ring and out I go"

The woman said, "But how do you know when you are going to land?" The blind man said, "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground." The woman asked, "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" The blind man answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack".

That's Possum's Journal for this week. Have a great weekend and more next week.

Stray Tuned !

A Doggie Doo Lesson

I get along with dogs pretty well and I have a lot of doggie pals, but I do have a beef about some of their personal habits. As you know, we cats are very careful to make sure that we bury and cover our business immediately after the negotiations are concluded.

Dogs, on the other hand, just sniff around until they find a spot they like and boom!....there it is! It doesn't matter if it's a tree, a fire hydrant or a small child. They just lift their leg and fire away.

And, you can forget about number two! I think they look around for the most traveled area they can find, squat and leave a gift for some unsuspecting human to step in it. You might say that's just their nature and forget about it. I say, If dogs can bury and cover their bones, then they should bury and cover their business as well.

My pal, Linda in Washington, sent me the featured picture of this nice doggie, who after graduating summa cum laude from doggie obedience school, displays the proper way to clean up after himself.

I saw a documentary on white deer and they looked kinda neat so I'm sprinkling a few pictures of them throughout today's post. Do not confuse the featured picture of the white canine with the white deer.

Cats are normally graceful creatures, but occasionally they do make slight errors in judgement and when they do, it's usually comical. This is a video that I found hidden in my archives and I thought I show it to you.

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

A thief broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. The thief said, "Did you say that?" The parrot said, "Yep, I'm just trying to warn you."

The thief relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" The parrot replied, "Moses." The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird 'Moses'?" The parrot said, "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'."

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.

"It had two saggy tits, a beard and a hard head," said the boy. The farmer. "Oh crap, You've shot my wife!"

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar and pisses in the beer. The man asks the bartender who owns the monkey. The bartender replies, "The piano player".

The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey pissed in my beer?" The pianist replies, "No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll try play it."

That's Possum's Journal for this week. Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms. Have a great weekend and I'll have more next week.

Stray Tuned !

If You Think The Swine Flu Was Mysterious, Wait "Til You See My Discovery !

I'm kinda happy they changed the name of the swine flu to H1N1. I'm not that friendly with oinkers, but I thought they were getting a bad rap. The main reason I'm happy is that when this diseases started appearing in Mexico, every Juan and his Tio start massacring the chubby little guys and that makes me nervous.

When the Avian Flu was rampant, every Mao in tao-n started killing chickens and ducks. Hell, they even banned the serving of cheese and quackers. Chinese restaurants refused to serve cream of asparakeet soup. It got to a point that every birdbrain in government was in a fowl mood.

What if some nitwit happened to catch a cold because that certain someone stayed out parting all night long? And what if that certain woke up the next morning and decided that he had the Cat Flu? Can you see where I'm headed?

Although I'm glad they changed the name, now I'm wondering if R2D2 can contract H1N1.....

So, If the Swine Flu, I mean H1N1 doesn't float your boat, here's another mysterious item happening in our southestern border towns:

Calexico,California: (April 30) - The hottest thing on the griddle at the Las Palmas restaurant these days isn't the food — it's the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe that a cook says she saw on the griddle. Restaurant manager Brenda Martinez says more than 100 people have flocked to the small town of Calexico on the California-Mexico border to gaze at the likeness of the Virgin Mary since it was discovered as the griddle was being cleaned.

At first I though it was a hoax, but after thinking about it, I must confe$$ it surely must be true! Lo and behold, when I went into the kitchen to snack on my Meow Mix, I saw an image of Our Lady of Bank of America in my cat food, fell to my knees...um, front paws and rejoiced.

As a result, I've decided to share this miracle and you can have a piece of my Miracle Meow Mix for the paltry sum of $1.00 per piece. Send your dollar along with a small shipping and handling charge of $23.00 and you too can witness this miracle. But wait, order now in your comments and I'll double your order for the same price. Mail your order now and you can thank me later (sorry, no CODs).

Pets Of The Week: My pal Martha has a some real cute kittens named Nuggett (left) and Queen Bella (above). Looking at their pictures, my first impressions are that Nugget is a real pistol and the appropriately named Queen Bella is going to be the proverbial Belle of the ball.

Martha also has a kitten named Pinky Chewbacca Extra Long Psycho Cat. I'm not real sure how long someone has to sit up at night to come up with a monicker like this, but thankfully, its nickname is Choochie. I've learned that it matters not what your real name is, pet owners always come up with a nickname.

Anyway, Choochie's the white little guy on the right who has discovered that someone in Martha's house drinks Budweiser and the cardboard box makes a great place to hang out.

You should definitely stop by and vist Martha at her journal aptly named Menagerie. She always has delightful pictures of all kinds of things and I'm sure you'll enjoy you visit. If you like photography as I do, you can read Menagerie by clicking this link. http://meandering-martha.blogspot.com/

The Cat's Meow And Puppy Dog Tales:

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my cousin, and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have sex." After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge for his humiliation. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a huge mistake, Frank. That was my nephew and you have got two choices. Either I maul you to death, or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it did take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods and he managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replied, "Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand."

Two minutes later the young camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?" The mother said, "They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert."

After a while, the baby camels asked, "Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?" His Mom answered, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert so we can go without drinking for long periods of time."

The baby camel thought a bit and said, "So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water." The mother camel said, "Yes dear."

The baby camel said, "So why are we living in the San Diego Zoo?"

That's Possum's Journal for this week. Have a great weekend and more next week.

Stray Tuned !